Thank you Father for your love and closeness. Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers.
It has been a month since my last blog and almost 8 months since Theresa went to be with her Savior. I’ve been trying to adjust to being a widower, singing solo instead of a duet. Twenty seven years ago next month I happily gave up the single life to now have it given back to me once again. As with anything, you don’t appreciate it as much as in its absence. It is easy to take for granted basic relationship and companionship things. Something akin to the first years of an empty nest after having all those years with a busy home, which becomes large and empty. There is no longer competing agendas, a honey do list, schedules to coordinate, compromise. Nor is there someone to bounce ideas with, to discuss day events, to plan vacations with. When you are young and single, you have no idea what married life is about and so can’t miss it, but when you are older and widowed and had a fulfilling marriage, you grieve its loss.
I can understand now why grief lasts as long as it does. You grieve in all the “Firsts” in the first year (the first holidays, anniversary, birthdays without your spouse), trips without them. Even your daily schedule has to adjust. You have to start seeing yourself as an individual again, not One in marriage – of which you really become. There are many adjustments in the first year. And, as I have found so far, memories will come out of the blue and catch you off guard, and there will be a time of grieving again. As I have talked with a fair number of widows and widowers, the loss and grief really never leaves as it becomes part of who you are. You just have to learn to live with it, adapting and adjusting, becoming who you are because of it.
Christ knew grief. He was a man of sorrows. He did what he did for us out of love, yet also in sorrow, knowing that despite what he did, many would not take what he offers and would be separated from him. On Earth love and loss are interwoven. We see it with our human relationships and with our pets. Most of us have experienced death of pets, knowing that we would love them but also out live them. Some can’t get another pet because the loss is felt so deep. Cherish what you have today. Some day we will live with Christ, love unbound from loss, in the fullness of what we were made to be. On this Earth, only our relationship in Christ will last, all else will fade away.
Christ is our only hope, he is what sustains us. We all will have difficulties in this life. But it is intimacy with him that allows us to have his peace, his contentment, his hope for the future. Night will come, but so will the new day. All that occurs in our lives has the ability to deepen our roots in Christ.
Jerry Benjamin writes “Is Christ alone sufficient? Would we be complete and content with only Him? Perhaps God’s greatest desire for us is to recognize our need of Him and find our sufficiency in Him.” “As we are being transformed into the image of Christ, we will endure pain, adversity, affliction, rejection, humiliation, misfortune, calamity, disaster, and loss in order to be drawn into a richer, deeper fellowship with the Father through Jesus our Savior.” “All things work together for good to those who love God” Romans 8:28, “In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
The kids are coming along. Ben, Noah and Ashleigh are finishing up their classes. Matthew has been working at Colonial Residence. They all seem to be doing better. God has been good. The house has been less empty having all of them around.
I pray that you have a good week and month as we continue to adjust to the state of affairs. May God bless you and keep you close.