Thank you Father for your presence, for answered prayer, and for your example for us to follow in Christ. Thank you again to all of you, who are engaged on this journey with us. Thank you for all the kindness bestowed on us. We are blessed beyond measure.
From a medical stand point this was an uneventful week. Theresa still has the needle pain, and intermittently takes the Lyrica at night for it. Theresa, like most people, doesn’t want to take anything she doesn’t have to take (especially when you see on TV or read all the potential side effects). The discomfort is down enough that she can power through it most of the time, though there are times when the Lyrica is a must. She still has nausea in the morning, and hot flashes through the day. Her weight and appetite are stable. She still has numb toes and her finger tips for the most part feel normal, though the pressure sensors are not back to normal, so she will drop things reasonably often and her fingers are also not quite as sensitive to heat. Her profound fatigue has not returned. She though is tired a lot and it doesn’t take much to wear her out. We have gone to a few graduation events, though are not able to stay long. Theresa continues to be a wonder in the kitchen, which is important to her, and I try to help her as much as I can, because this too is wearing.
From a psychological stand point, this has been a rough week. Her Oncologist wanted her to get a PET scan the end of June, but the facility only does PET scans on Monday and all their appointments were filled until the middle of July. After discussing it with our Oncologists, the facility graciously opened another slot for Theresa before their day started. So now she will be getting the scan this Monday, tomorrow morning. We found out about this earlier in the week and have had the last 5 days or so to think about it. Not knowing can allow you to continue living one day at a time, a path we have adapted to. Once the test is done and the results known, a fork in the road has occurred. It will either be a time for celebration, or a time of sorrow, no middle road and no way to get back to the path we were previously on. Monday is our fork in the road. Did God’s favor rest upon us and heal Theresa of her cancer or will it show us what we didn’t want to know? Where we in denial these past 6 months with the inevitable upon us, sooner than we hoped for? Why would God’s favor rest upon us and heal her, when so many others have prayed for the same and their answer unfavorable? As we don’t know the future, or the mind of God, the “what if’s” loom large. Theresa has had many sleepless and restless nights this week and is tearful often. She wants her dreams. She’s not ready to leave motherhood or me. Why wouldn’t God intervene? I think the focus on the final outcome either favorable or not, is placed in the wrong area. It is very easy to focus on the desires of our heart, which may be different than His. Once again, it is about the journey, the obedience, the surrender, the tears, and being broken for Him. If God chooses a miracle, we will have humble hearts of gratitude. If not, we will have humble hearts of gratitude to serve in this way. May you pray that God’s will be done Monday.
From my reading this week in Streams in the Desert; “Many of us cannot be used as food for the world’s hunger, because we have yet to be broken in Christ’s hands. “Grain must be ground to make bread.” and being a blessing of His often requires sorrow on our part. Yet even sorrow is not too high a price to pay for the privilege of touching other lives with Christ’s blessings.” J. R Miller. “God has made me as bread for His chosen ones, and if it is necessary for me to “be ground” in the teeth of lions in order to feed His children, then blessed be the name of the Lord.” Ignatius (Third bishop of Antioch, student of Apostle John, who was fed to the lions at the Roman Colosseum). Poverty, hardship, and misfortune have propelled many a life to moral heroism and spiritual greatness. Difficulties challenge our energy and our perseverance but bring the strongest qualities of the soul to life… the most prominent characters of the Bible were broken, threshed, and ground into bread for the hungry”.
Our example, Christ, was broken bread that has fed many a hungry soul. How can we not cling to our example and not allow ourselves be broken and spent for Him and for our neighbor’s hunger. The outcome is His, the journey we walk together. What ever LORD you have for us, may we humbly receive it and thank you for walking with us. For your Glory and Honor.