Thank you all for your specific prayers, thoughts and concerns. Thank you for the nice comments as well. Thank you LORD for sustaining us.
Well as I posted last week, Theresa did well with chemo and all seemed to go well until about Monday night and then the abdominal symptoms, nausea, lack of appetite, and profound fatigue showed up. As the week progressed so did her symptoms. On Wednesday she was so fatigued, she slept most of the day and did the same through Saturday. Theresa is a little better today, though tires out pretty quickly. I’ve realized there isn’t a pattern in the timing of symptoms, or when she will feel better or not. There is nothing that can be counted on, other than this will be a long emotional roller coaster ride, with good days followed by bad days. This doesn’t negate the praises and thanksgiving since there is always something to be thankful for, even for life itself even when just existing is a struggle. I hadn’t realized what an emotional roller coaster all of this would be. And I was naive in how it would affect me. I have known being married we are one, and her joys are my joys, her sorrows, mine. Yet the depths of this experience has been exhausting and takes a toll on my motivation, and focus. I wear out quicker than I used to, and try to get as much sleep as I can. I also have found I am more inconsistent now than I have ever been. I also find myself at times not empathetic, probably because I am exhausted. Yet at these times, when I am on my knees, my arms reach up and touch heaven (Touch the Sky Hillsong United). When I am at the end of myself, broken before Him, that He renews my heart, strength and compassion. He helps me stop focusing on myself and back on to Him and the work He has given me to do. And then I can, with a tender heart lay next to my wife rub and kiss her bald head, hold her tight and reassure her I am in this with her. I have found, times like this, show who I am, who I rely on, and what God has done in me. This roller coaster is no fun (I never liked them anyway). I am thankful to have learned how tough this road can be, and so thankful Christ walks with us, sustains us, gives us wise counsel, and fills us with His spirit so we can not just survive, but thrive. Anguish, depression, exhaustion alternate with hope, joy, and renewed energy. Up and down I go, because I am human, weak, and short sighted, but then energized and renewed by the Good Shepherd. I anticipate the next 4 months will be filled with emotions such as this and ups and downs physically. Yet knowing that you all walk with us, uphold us in prayer, help us and that God is with us, helps us persevere, be strong, and be courageous. Next Chemo is in about 10 days. Looking for a few good days until then. Thanks for walking with us.