Well it has been longer than I anticipated since my last blog entry. I have found writing these blogs hard, and I put off writing them. I also had rotator cuff surgery, so for 6 weeks it was difficult to type. I am now out of the sling. Put both these facts together and here we are 10 weeks since my last blog.
In just under two weeks it will be a year since Theresa went to be with her Savior and Lord. I can say that it hasn’t gotten any easier as the year has progressed. I probably miss her more now than ever. There were so many dreams we dreamed together, talk about the kids careers, getting married, grandkids, and retirement. All unrealized dreams. And now with those events happening without the one I anticipated sharing them with, the pain and tears come often.
Friday our oldest son Ben got married to Jamie. I am so very happy for them and pray God’s blessing be upon them. After a short 2 week engagement they tied the knot at Stillwaters in the gazebo with a small crowd of family and friends. A tree and plaque given in Theresa’s memory by the Stillwaters office staff is planted near the gazebo. It was a simple ceremony and then reception at our house. After the day wound down and the house was quiet again, I had to go to the cemetery and let my emotions out, talk with Christ and Theresa. Theresa looked forward to being part of these milestones in her children’s lives. To be part of these without her is so very painful. And what makes it even more difficult, I can’t share it with her, we can’t share our joys, thoughts, decisions. They are just all bottled up in my mind. She made these things special.
When the kids need advice, direction, or assistance, we worked together to provide both the mother’s and father’s side. Now they only get my side and I feel so inadequate.
When I am distracted at work, or activities with the kids I usually do well, but weekends, holidays, and down times are as difficult as ever. Those were the times filled with Theresa. Now they are filled with thinking, contemplation, and remembering. Healing occurs but it only goes so far. I think the loss will always be just a thought away. It will be a defining part of my life until hope is realized in heaven.
There is a connection with those who have experienced the death of a spouse. There is an understanding. No matter if the journey without their spouse is a few months old or many years old, the comments I hear over and over is that it doesn’t get easier. The loss cuts deep and you never get over it, just learn to live with it.
I do have so much to be thankful for. Every morning my prayers are of gratitude and thanksgiving. I am thankful that there are still kids in the house, dogs to hug and kiss and be the comfort they are, for family, friends, and work. I am most thankful for the communion I have in Christ. I can cry, talk, listen, and just be with Him. He has been my constant companion and help. He restores, renews, and answers prayers. He is a man acquainted with sorrow, and I share one more similarity with Him. We go on walks often, with Boo, and we talk and he ministers to me in those times. He is the one constant in life, unshakable, true to His word. Yet while still in my weak human condition, I will miss what Theresa and I shared together in heart and soul.
This is not an easy road for any of us. We will all at some point experience loss. We will all have to surrender what we hold dear. We have to accept the journey we are given and learn how to live and honor our Lord and the memory of our loved one from that day forward. We have to be strong for them and do what needs to be done.
I constantly lean on Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight”.
I hope these ramblings help you. We all have to come to grips with anguish of heart. It is deep, real and is part of what being human is all about. It is the path we have to go through. Christ as your savior, constant companion, and the lover of your soul will walk with you through it all and help you thrive, endure and persevere. Keep your eyes focused on Him and the promised celebration and reunion yet to come.
Once again, thank you for sharing from your heart. Your reliance on the One and only Comforter is a testimony to us all. I continue, daily, to pray for you and your family. Congratulations on the joy of adding a daughter to your family! May God continue to hold you up as you trust in Him.
In true Christ fashion he tells us what we need through so many outlets. Lsst Wed. The 24th,2020 Darren and I lost a grandson, Ryder Allen Galpin he was 6lbs 9 oz 19,5 in ling and he was beautiful. Looked liked Jerame. Jerame’s wife, Ellysa, hadn’t felt movement in a week. She was 16 days to scheduled c-section. Dr said there was no heart beat. The week before the heartbeat was strong and Ryder was active. They did an emergency c-section Wed afternoon and found the umbilical cord wrapped twice around his neck. The pain of a loss of any kind is hard. That of a spouse, child or grandchild is immeasurable. The devastation you’re hit with is indescribable. I find myself praying out loud constantly. I have conversations with my lord and savior many times through the day. My comfort is in knowing that he is a loving God. And even though we feel so much pain now, I know it’s because he has spared Jerame and Ellysa, Darren ,the family and myself from a lifetime of something more difficult and painful. I truly believe he spared Ryder a life full of pain and challenges. What those might be, only God knows. So I thank him for his mercy and I thank him for his love. I ask only for a blanket of comfort and peace over Jerame and Ellysa so that they can focus on Liddia and Ryan. Reading your blog today was no accident. Without realizing it God sent a message of hope and finding a way through this time in our family. God Bless you Dr Paul for being the messenger I’ve been praying the lord to send me!
God Bless,
Sheilah Galpin
Thanks for sharing your heart…
Thankful for Our God of All Comfort…
Praying for you and your family.
Thank you Dr. Paul for barring your soul and your honest journey of what we all have/had to go through. Your inspiration is so appreciated. I pray for you daily and will continue to do so. His mercies are new every morning, and this I pray for you and your family.
God is so good and faithful. You and the kids have been on my heart a lot the last few days. It has been a while since I checked your blog, and here you just posted two days ago. When I was praying for you I was reminded that love is eternal. That’s why the loss is fresh regardless of the passage of time. Theresa was, is and always will be precious and missed by those who love her.
I’m glad to hear of Ben’s wedding, and I hope he and his wife enjoy a marriage like yours and Theresa’s.
Blessings,
Debbie
Thank you, Paul. I so appreciate your words. You have been on my mind recently and I continue to pray for you. Thank you for continually reminding us how precious life is with the ones we love!