Thank you Father for your presence this week, for working in the background as you do, helping with the healing process. Thank you for being the solid rock on which I stand in this time. Thank you all for your continued prayers and engagement.
I went back to work Monday. The beginning of the week I found it hard to be engaged as I usually am. By Friday I was doing better, but ready for the weekend. The evenings are difficult. When I would come home from work, Theresa and I would talk and engage each other until we finally fell asleep upon going to bed. And when there were other tasks to do, just her presence next to me was comforting. Now the evenings are quiet, even more so with our daughter at Driver’s ed during the week. I can see why people have the TV on, just for background noise, so they don’t feel as lonely. I found having music playing has really helped. The evenings have been a good time to reflect, talk to God and Theresa, work through my feelings and read some.
The kids are slowly adapting too. But have found school much harder as they are not focusing as well with their school work. This though is starting to get better. Matthew, our youngest son is struggling the most. He would benefit with your prayers for him. He was close to Theresa, connecting with her deeply. He is really finding it hard. It is going to take him a while to incorporate this loss into a strength in him.
Family, friendships, community, and small groups have been vital too us. You are all part of our healing and incorporating this loss into a strength of character. We have received so many comforting cards, tender comments, support and help over this time, easing the difficulty. We have had many acts of kindness. My parents have our daughter and I over often for meals, my brother-in-law helping our daughter learn to drive, a family from Ashleigh’s school has taken her to school and back, and our small group keeps us connected and thinking about going on outings with them.
A friend of our family, Julie, who suffered loss of her husband to cancer years ago, sent me a book by Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised, how the soul grows through loss. I have read a little each night and pondered what he writes. He too suffering tragic loss, but suddenly, and not gradual like mine. His words affirm my own thoughts and feelings and hopes.
Another friend, Lisa, sends me texts of Bible verses or songs with lyrics that have been so helpful. Today the words from MercyMe’s song Bring the rain were right on:
“Bring The Rain”
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain
So I pray
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
God is so good. He has provided greatly in this time. He has been so tender toward us, providing community, His words of comfort, love, faithfulness, and hope.
Jerry Sittser writes, ” for as surely as we are born into this world, we suffer loss before we leave it. It is not the experience of loss that becomes the defining moment of our lives, for it is as inevitable as death, which is the last loss awaiting us all. It is how we respond to loss that matters. That response will largely determine the quality, the direction, and the impact of our lives”.
Thank you all for your continued prayers, love and support.