Doctor Paul, MD

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Celebration of Theresa’s life

October 12, 2019 by Paul Williams 16 Comments

a link to the video of the service will be attached to this blog when it is ready. Transcript for my talk is below. Thank you all who were able to come and also thank you all who couldn’t but would loved to have come. This blog is for both, for those who would like to leave a comment and for those who missed the service and would still like to see it. Thank you all of you who attended to celebrate my bride, Theresa.

Celebration of Theresa’s life

Thank you all for coming. I want to tell you a love story. A love story that began way before Theresa and I met. A story of our Father who answers prayer, walks with us, holds us, directs our paths, and whispers words of joy and comfort. A love story that many have experienced, and I want to share Theresa’s story which we wrote together. We wrote it in March after her hospitalization for Cardiac Tamponade. I added a postscript to this which is tacked on the end.

Theresa was born in Vancouver Washington. She was a latchkey kid, walking home after school, letting herself in the house, and spending the rest of her day alone or with her brother until her mother came home at 7pm. Her guardian angel, Grandma Kester, would take her on outings, to the mall, and just spend time with her. She became acquainted with Jesus and accepted his Lordship in her life when she was fairly young. Early on she got baby-sitting jobs so she could have money to buy clothes (a passion she carried all her life). Later at 16, she bought her first car and worked as a cake decorator until she graduated from high school. Knowing she needed a way to get out of the situation she was in, she knew she needed to go to college, though had no way of paying for it. She applied for scholarships and received an Air Force ROTC scholarship in nursing.

During Nursing school, Theresa not only performed well in her studies, she also was busy with ROTC classes, drills, weekend events, and worked two jobs. Finally, with graduation closing in, Theresa chose to go to Alaska to work as a nurse. As God has done many a time, he knew Theresa better than she knew herself, knowing she couldn’t tolerate cold winters, and he had other plans for her. She ended up being a nurse at Travis AFB in California for 4 years. Through all this time, Theresa sought to honor God with her life and prayed for guidance, direction, and a help mate.

After she had been at Travis for a year working nights as a medical floor nurse, I arrived at Travis AFB as well. God had been in the practice of guiding me too and made it certain that despite my plans to desire a residency slot in Tacoma, Washington, His will was done and made it, so I chose and was chosen by the family practice residency program at Travis. The beginning of my second month as a very green intern, I was woken up by a nurse, Theresa, in the wee hours of the morning. She explained that a patient had died, and I needed to come and pronounce that she had indeed died (due to autopsy protocol at that teaching hospital that I was unaware of). Still sleepy and green, I stated instead that she had already said the patient had passed, why was I needed. I got a firm response back and so got up and went to the patient’s room. I talked with the family present and asked, despite finding out they were agnostic, if I could pray with them. They agreed so we prayed. During this time, Theresa was told the intern was in the room and she came in to give me a piece of her mind and make sure I didn’t upset the family. When she entered, she only saw my back in a long white coat praying with the family. Without seeing more than my back, her heart melted at my prayer for the family, and she heard God tell her this would be her future husband.

A few weeks later some other interns and I were meeting with our attending physician to discuss patients. After we were done, someone asked if I had a girlfriend, which I didn’t. They then would point at different nurses from behind the glass window of the chart room and ask, “what about her?” After each, I just shook my head “no”. Then Theresa came up to the front desk in civilian clothes. I didn’t remember her from our initial interaction, but just watched her and didn’t shake my head “no” this time.

Two weeks later the same physicians without me asked Theresa if she had a boyfriend. Theresa was confused as both physicians were married and wasn’t sure why they would be asking. She told them she was single and then they started asking her questions. They asked where she was from, and Theresa told them Washington state, and then they smiled and told her this other doctor was from there. Asked her what she liked to do in her spare time, she liked to hike, and again they smiled, telling her I liked to hike too.

A week later she was finishing charting and I quietly sat next to her until she was done and noticed me. I then said, “so I hear you like to go hiking”. Theresa immediately started laughing. I asked her on a hiking date to Point Reyes California. She said yes and wrote her name and phone number on a scrap of paper I still have today.

It became clear after dating for 6 months that God was blessing our relationship and I wanted to marry her. I proposed to Theresa February 14th in front of 400-500 people on stage at our church valentine’s day banquet and shyly she accepted. We were married 5 months later. In taking her hand in marriage, I felt God telling me He was entrusting her into my care, and that she was precious to Him.

Early on in our marriage, I realized that we both had some really rough areas and that Theresa was actually vulnerable and fragile and my rough areas could cut her deeply. She was not affirmed growing up, had a father who was an alcoholic who raged, and a mother who stood by her man. Theresa was a quiet, gentle soul, who had a hard time with trust because of broken trusts as a child. It cut me so deeply when I unintentionally caused her deep pain. Many times, I was on my knees praying, many times asking Theresa for forgiveness, and through the years our rough areas, and ability to read each other and communicate to each other’s hearts improved. (Theresa wanted me to make sure to recognize she also had rough areas that needed honing).

We took to heart scripture, took to heart the need for God to make us Christ-like, and our need to serve each other completely, putting the other first. We came to this independently but spent the past 25 years making it our top priority. Theresa brought out the best in me and I brought out the best in her. I so wanted to love her as God needed me to love her. And I was able to provide the tenderness she needed to bloom and bloom she has.

We have not stopped holding hands, having our hearts skip a beat when the other come in the room, hugging, back and head massages, daily saying I love you many times, many many kisses. Even in our disagreements, we apologies before we sleep and rub each other’s backs.

When I was hospitalized before we had kids, she stayed in the hospital room with me the whole week watching over me and helping me. I did the same for her three years ago and again in her two hospitalizations this year, taking care of her and bathing her.

God wove us together in Christ in a cord of three, inexplicably connected, soul mates for life. We are each other’s best friends, want to do everything together, and are each other’s cheerleader. She would say I am her best part and I would say she is my best part. Either way we can’t contain our love for each other.

Though the past four years have been hard, and the last months harder yet and Tuesday agonizing, we both have been humbled and blessed so much. Our intimacy of soul, our love has deepened, our reliance on God stronger, our confidence in him firm. We did not want or choose this, but we know submission to God’s will always turns out the best. Through anguish of heart, through the loss of my dearest bride, my soul mate, I have a greater understanding of how God feels for us and anguishes over those who don’t choose Him.

During these past 4 years, God has shown up right on time, not a minute early and not a minute late. When she was hospitalized early on for a collapsed lung from a port placement, she was at peace and ready to be with God, but God convinced her it wasn’t time yet. God also came through when she couldn’t take it from the all-over painful nerve pain caused by chemo and found a way to relieve it. When she had her breast MRI before her surgery, she asked for God’s peace despite her claustrophobia and He came through and took her on a 45-minute rollercoaster ride. And then when her heart was about to stop from the cardiac tamponade, she asked to be put to sleep, but was told she was too unstable, and it needed to be done immediately while she was awake in the outfit she came in with. She said she felt the loving arms of Jesus around her, was at peace, though felt all the pain. In her peaceful state, she saw herself outside her body and thought I don’t want this to end like a bad western with my boots on. There were many more times where God showed up over the years, but the best was yet to come.

Father, thank you for trusting me with loving Theresa. Thank you for molding me to truly be the man she needed until you took her home. I have been honored to serve You through serving her and my family. Thank you for how she cared for my heart too. Thank you for a soul mate, a best friend, and satisfaction of knowing I have loved her back to you. Father, into your loving hands I entrust her.

Theresa and I talked much about this talk. We both wanted to make sure we recognized all of you as a vital part of who we are. You provided a community of love and support we needed. We are grateful for the love and prayers extended to our family. We know we are truly loved. Theresa cherished the cards, texts, and responses to the blog posts that you all provided. Thank you for loving us. She hopes to see each one of you again, celebrating in heaven.

Thank you, to God be the Glory, our King of Glory, and our only Hope. So let it be.

Post script: I am indebted to my sister, Sheri Keahey, for managing Theresa’s final 24 hours with skill and compassion as a Palliative care nursing supervisor. She took my call at 7:15 am and diverted going to work and spent the next 24 difficult hours loving Theresa. She allowed me to be Theresa’s husband as I anguished during her last hours. I want to thank Cynthia Waddell who came by for an hour visit and stayed to the end 16 hours later tenderly loving Theresa, and Pastor Mitch who came over despite his late evening and he too stayed to the end and offered songs, prayers, verses and brotherly love. I am indebted to my parents, friends, coworkers, patients, all of you who have loved us dearly and who have helped raise our children. I am broken and I know our kids are as well, be patient with us as we gain our confidence to live on without Theresa here, yet knowing she is now in peace in God’s loving presence. Thank you for Celebrating Theresa with us.

God has been working on me. In Theresa’s cancer and final hours, I was so aware of my inadequacy as a Husband, protector, doctor. I pleaded with God to show up and take her quickly. But that didn’t happen. The ravages of breast cancer spread to her throat and neck slowly had its way and the medications we had could only keep her comfortable not stop the agonizing long process for us. I was a little upset because I felt inadequate and I wanted her rescued. I prayed for God to come and take her the way I wanted. He came the best way, a way I didn’t expect.

After 12 or so hours of anguish watching my bride painfully pass (at least for me), I pleaded with God to take her quickly, and Pastor Mitch similarly prayed. But for three hours the process continued until it finally was over. I wondered why He didn’t answer our prayers. But in reality, He had. I expected one thing and He provided another. In hindsight it was obvious after the prayer, despite the basic functions of the body still going on, she had left, no more struggle, the Tent was empty and just winding down.

This whole process showed me how inadequate I am, how inadequate human love is, how inadequate human knowledge and response it. We crave what God is. He alleviates suffering, he heals, He provides all that we are searching for. We can easily misinterpret anything, but God makes the invisible, visible if we listen.

Everything we do is inadequate, an approximation of the desire or hope. Human love wants to be unconditional but isn’t, we want to protect and help but we really can’t, we desire more, but everything we do is an approximation of the hope. And that approximation is a chiasm far distant from what we need. We desire so much more, and Jesus is the road to that so much more. We crave what God alone can provide, life without end, no suffering, no pain, no sorrow, just joy, peace and excitement that will never end. We look to this world for what it cannot ever provide. Theresa’s verse on her military grave marker says it all: John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that He gave his only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have life eternal – with Him.

Video – Ciara dancing to Love like this

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Filed Under: Dealing with Loss

Comments

  1. Jennie Brandt says

    October 13, 2019 at 7:50 am

    May God hold your hand and help you and your family though this hard time of grieving. Theresa is smiling from above and watching over you all.

    Reply
  2. Toni Belveal says

    October 13, 2019 at 8:46 am

    Such a beautiful Tribute to your lovely bride. I feel so honored and blessed to have gotten to know, and pray for you and Theresa through this blog. Thank you for your amazing understanding and sharing God’s faithfulness. Pray God’s tender mercies upon your family, Dr. Paul.

    Reply
  3. Lewis and Connie says

    October 13, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    When you pass through the waters,I will be with you.And when you pass through the rivers,they will not sweep over you. Isaiah.43:2

    Reply
  4. Denise Anderson says

    October 13, 2019 at 9:35 pm

    I can only say I have never left a memorial before feeling so full and embraced by love as I did yesterday. The same way both you and Theresa make everyone feel in your daily interactions. Thank you for sharing your heart, your lives and your love with us. And Matthew quoting “Love You Forever” was heart wrenching and beautiful in a way it never has been before. You are a truly remarkable family and it has been a joy to know you for so many years.

    Reply
  5. Candace Horch says

    October 14, 2019 at 7:02 pm

    Reading your beautiful tribute through my tears leaves me with a peace I haven’t had completely, all the while praying Theresa and all of you through this journey. Your story teaches us how to live and love and how to die. She left an impact on so many and I imagine her dancing in a beautiful gown, in Heaven. We pray God’s peace to you and the children in the coming months and years until all are reunited in His presence. Thank you for sharing your story and Christ’s love so magnificently.

    Reply
  6. Jodi Laverell says

    October 15, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    Dr Paul, Thank you for sharing Theresa’s life story in such a loving and beautiful way! I will miss you calling her “Dear.” It’s hard to believe she’s gone, but I know she’s in Heaven. I hope there’s a DisneyHeaven, she’d no doubt be opening it up and closing it down, loving every moment. I’m honored to have known Theresa. What a difference she’s made in the world, all the peoples lives that she touched in a positive and loving way. That kind of touch has a ripple effect, still spreading through the world. Her life, though too short, was meaningful. I’ll miss her soft, loving glow. Praying for you and your families Peace, Comfort, and Love.

    Reply
  7. Linda says

    October 15, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    You are two very lucky people to have loved each other as you did. I know you all will find your way to continue with day to day life. Your hearts will ache, but you will go on. Your children will grow, marry and bring new life into your family. You will see your bride again when you meet that first granddaughter. My heart aches for you and your family. May God continue to bless you all.

    Reply
  8. Kimberly says

    October 16, 2019 at 8:32 am

    Dr. Paul,
    I’m So Sorry. Wanted to come to Theresa’s Celebration however-Our Folks needed our help. My Heart Breaks for You & Yours. Losing my Son as you know gave me a closer relationship with the Lord. Begging for his life -it was not to be.
    I’m Sorry you are on this journey. You have Many who Care & Love You. Every day you treat & heal people or sharing with them there is no more treatment to be had. Sharing Your journey I know has helped others. My Prayers are With You & Your Family Bless Your Hearts

    Reply
  9. Mitch & DeLynne Dietz says

    October 16, 2019 at 8:58 am

    Paul your talk at the service was amazing. Such a wonderful testament to the love you and Theresa shared. So touching that you wrote most of this together. Thank you both for teaching us not only how to face life, but how to respond when death comes. We love you, Ben, Noah, Matthew and Ashleigh and pray for God’s continued peace and comfort.

    Reply
  10. Pearl Moltz says

    October 16, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Dr.Paul…..what a glowing tribute to a wonderful woman and a loving God. I had to sing for another funeral and could not attend to support you and your children. I have prayed and will continue to pray for peace and strength for all of you. May God’s love be with you today and forever. Much love,
    Pearl Moltz

    Reply
  11. Suzanne Tereski says

    October 16, 2019 at 8:21 pm

    Dr. Paul- thank you so much for sharing Theresa’s celebration of life with those of us that were unable to attend the service. You inspire so many people by your faith and I pray that the Lord continues to wrap you and your children in His love and am sure He will guide and direct you all until you meet up again with your bride!! She will be greatly missed by many!

    Reply
  12. Debbie Fine says

    October 17, 2019 at 7:23 am

    Dear Dr Paul. I am slow to reply because words cannot express what a beautiful tribute that was to your best Friend and love of your life. I was so proud of Matthew as well. Watching each of you ( even in suits and ties which I know you are not crazy about), there was a strong realization of Theresas glory with our Lord and Savior. She is so proud of your hearts and with God, knows the gifts each of you will bestow still while on this Earth journey. Wishing you peace and good thoughts always, wishing you all a smile now and then as you think about the many treasures Theresa has left you. For I will never look at Springtime flowers, little pups, baking cookies, a cricket paper cutter, a tissue box, and so many other things the same way. Love you all
    Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

    Reply
  13. Debbie OConnor says

    October 19, 2019 at 12:58 pm

    No one but Christ could love Theresa more or better than you, Paul. In my daily prayers for you and your children I thank Him for you, and all you gave her. God used Theresa to point me toward him when I was a very arrogant, completely lost high school student. She was an amazing friend who put up with a lot from me, and I am so grateful I got to know and love her. I look forward to seeing her again in Heaven where I can properly thank her for all she has meant to me. Thank you for your faithful witness to God’s goodness throughout this time. It has ministered to me.

    Reply
  14. Debbie OConnor says

    October 20, 2019 at 3:28 am

    The service for Theresa was so beautiful. I was particularly blessed by your love story and the video tribute. Theresa was never a fan of photos and I haven’t seen any that included her since my wedding 24 plus years ago. I’ve watched that part twice today and foresee watching it several more. It was like having images that match the stories she shared in our phone conversations along the way. The joy on her face in some of them-it was wonderful to see her so happy and carefree. She was so beautiful! And I know she is just that joyous and carefree in the presence of our Lord Jesus. I just read your most recent blog on grief, too. I’m glad you plan to continue to write. I am praying for you all. I hope to share photos and memories I have here with you, as well.

    Reply
  15. Julie Gamewell says

    October 23, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Fifteen years ago today my daughter went to be with the Lord. She was in a coma in my home and Dr. Paul, as her doctor, told me on the phone to not worry about the details of her care but to love her as my daughter rather than a patient. That helped me get through till her last breath. I miss her everyday, along with my husband and parents; but we have an incomparable hope…e.g.,Romans 5:1…having been justified we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God…” I am thankful for your testimony. I haven’t seen your children since they were in Sunday school and VBS as one of their teachers. I appreciated the photos and the opportunity to say goodby, Theresa, as I viewed them. I pray for your family to feel the Holy Spirit’s loving presence, the Comforter, who is with you and in you. Emmanuel, God with Us. Peace.

    Reply
  16. Nannette Hoile says

    October 24, 2019 at 6:25 pm

    Thank you for posting Theresa’s service as Daniel and I were traveling and thus could not attend. You have been in our thoughts. We continue to pray for all of you, that you will walk in peace and comfort that only comes from our Lord.

    Reply

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About Doctor Paul

Dr. Paul Williams, MD is a small-town family practice doctor working in Centralia, Washington. He works from the same office where his primary care practice was established by his father over 38 years ago. He believes strongly that the art of the old-fashioned primary care doctor is an important feature of our medical system that should be preserved and protected from excess interference from insurance companies and government regulation alike.

Due to changes in the health care industry and regulations affecting it, and in an effort to preserve the art of old-fashioned primary care, Dr. Paul has shifted his practice to a Direct Care model, meaning that patients pay an affordable monthly fee to purchase primary care health care services directly, rather than having their services billed through an insurance company.

This blog is intended to help Dr. Paul's patients (and anyone else!) understand the changes the medical industry is going through, and to provide information about the Direct Care model of primary care.

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