Thank you Father for this new day, for peace, perspective and contentment. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support.
I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving day was a busy day at our house. My parents and sister’s family came over and we had Thanksgiving here. They helped us put up our Christmas decorations too. Matthew found it too much and went upstairs after a time. The next few days after Thanksgiving were difficult, as it was quiet and there was a lot of time to remember and miss Theresa.
Christmas will be more difficult. Mothers are all about the holidays, gifts, smells of baking, and so much more. I loved how Theresa made it special. There is going to be a lot of time to miss Theresa in the month of December, but Christmas day will be especially hard as it was the accumulation of all her preparation all month. We did buy the kids a few things at Disneyland -which will be painful to wrap and I’m sure to receive. I’ve asked the kids to help me buy their gifts this year. I think for a time, holidays will loose their excitement and fun.
The kids and I, minus our oldest as he is still at school, went to the cemetery today to see the military headstone on Theresa’s grave. Mom and I are still working on a family grave marker.
If I focus on today and fill it with tasks or work or other things, I do fairly well. When I remember, look back, replay events, look at pictures or movies – anything that brings me back to life with my soulmate, I get tearful, the anguish comes back up, and I dream of life together again. I loved our season of life together. I spent 28 years being single, pursuing education and a career laid out for me. But the next 26 years doing life WITH a soulmate was oh so much more fulfilling, filled with color, sounds, warmth and satisfaction. We were made for relationship; God made it so we crave him and need each other. Now I enter a new season wishing it was the past season. I am indebted to Theresa for the past 26 years. I believe the strength of what we had, the growth we have experience will give me the courage to persevere in this season of life.
The depth of our reliance on God has deepened in me these past months. It is He who comforts, gives courage to continue on, fills me with Himself. As I mentioned before, I am more convinced of Hebrews 13:14 “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come”. And Hebrews 11:13-16 “…having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. for people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland….they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one… for he has prepared for them a city”. His promises are rock solid and on which we can count on. Life is much more than what we make of it here on earth. And I am looking forward to the joyful reunion.
Thank you Lord for abundant life in you, for drawing us closer, for the hope of tomorrow and for the work of today. Thank you for friends and family. Thank you for redeeming our story. May you all have a blessed Christmas season.